“I see differently” We are Hapag-Lloyd: Kerstin Vogel reports from Hamburg

Kerstin, thank you very much for agreeing to this interview. I wasn’t sure at first what the best way to approach you would be and if I should even do so at all... [author’s note: The initial contact with Kerstin was on an MS Teams chat. The interview was held over an MS Teams call].

Kerstin Vogel: I was delighted to receive the enquiry, so thank you very much! I can understand that people have inhibitions about approaching a blind person – but they don’t need to! If you ask, you know more – and avoid any misunderstandings in the first place! I’m very happy to speak with anyone about these issues!

You have been visually impaired since birth and blind for several years. Can you tell me your story?

I’d like to say one thing in advance: I can only speak for myself and not for all blind or visually impaired people. These are my personal experiences and mine alone. I was born with a visual impairment. The cause cannot be determined by conventional medicine. I’m totally blind in my left eye. But I used to be able to see a bit with my right eye. I always had between 5 and 7 per cent of my vision. What does that tell us? Well, I was always able to see a lot more than a completely blind person – but, at the same time, a lot less than a person with normal vision. As a child, I even thought I could see everything – that is, until the other children told me what they could see in the distance. Nevertheless, I always managed well in life and went to normal schools, supported by the school for the blind and visually impaired in [the northern German city of] Schleswig and various aids, such as magnifying glasses and monoculars. Already back then, I learned not to draw attention to my visual impairment. However, from today’s perspective, that wasn’t always helpful, as in some ways I didn’t get the support I might have needed even back then because no one was aware of my condition.

What has been the biggest adjustment for you?

About nine years ago, I had another examination because I could no longer read a lot of things. Then I was given the status of “blind” in the official determination notice. At that time, my everyday life was still almost normal and I could continue working as I had before. But then things got noticeably worse. Three years ago, I reached a point where I could no longer ignore it. As a result, I was on sick leave for almost 18 months. I could suddenly no longer do things on my own that I had previously done by myself. For example, shopping was no longer possible. Today, I order a lot online or have my children help me. They are 10 and 11 years old now. But, of course, I don’t want to burden my children with this, either, as it’s not their responsibility. Many sports that I used to enjoy I can’t do anymore, or I can’t do them on my own. My parents also help me out, but they live near Kiel [almost 100 km north of Hamburg] and aren’t always there for me. At the moment, the loss of independence is the biggest burden and challenge for me, and it’s hard to always be the one asking others for things. The feeling of being heavily dependent on others – and especially on their time – sometimes makes me sad and lonely. But you can’t let that drag you down.

It is said that people get 80 percent of their information about their surroundings through their eyes. Unfortunately, this is no longer possible for you. How have you perceived the world since you lost your vision?

I can still make out contours and, to a certain extent, distinguish between light and dark. I use that a lot, and it also helps me a lot. I use the other senses differently than people with normal vision. Take hearing, for example: When I’m running, I can frequently hear cars or bicycles before my running partner does. When wearing a mask became mandatory a while back, it was hard for me. The fabric over my mouth and nose made me feel even more impaired. But it worked out somehow.

After all, I was able to see for a long time. When someone describes something to me, I can naturally visualise it in my head. That helps me a lot. For example, I can describe what my children look like. It is very hard to explain, as the brain plays a big role in vision. I was in the office at Hapag-Lloyd once in December, and a lot of changes have been made to Ballin Hall. I can’t visualise it yet in its new form.

How do you navigate everyday life? And how do you do all the things that people with vision take for granted – such as reading, texting on your smartphone, or working on your computer?

Reading is relatively simple. For example, there are apps for this that read aloud printed text from paper. They aren’t perfect, but it works in general. Instead of reading books, I like to listen to audiobooks. To write texts myself, I use the dictation function on my smartphone. I am currently doing “basic training” for technologies for the blind. In other words, I’m learning how to work on a PC as a blind person. A lot of things work through speech output. I make entries using key combinations on the keyboard. That’s how I got to the point where I could return to the company. Nevertheless, there are still a lot of technical challenges. Unfortunately, just because something is “barrier-free” [i.e. handicap-accessible] doesn’t mean that it’s also easy to use.

I’m not very good at moving around in public spaces yet. That’s why I don’t like to be out and about on my own. When there’s no other option, I study the paths I will take. Sometimes I take a long cane with me. But this still requires a great deal of effort on my part, as it means I have to stay completely concentrated. I have to rely on what I hear, feel and smell. That is tremendously exhausting. There are even some people who were born blind that don’t feel safe using a cane. That’s why I have submitted an application to receive a guide dog. If everything works out, I should be getting it before the end of the year.

How do you personally cope with your disability?

This is a process that is constant and never really ends. My experience has been that you aren’t truly disabled until it’s no longer possible for you to be the way you were for social reasons. For example, if I can’t go shopping, I am disabled. But when someone helps me go shopping, I am not disabled. It is often the case that you only become disabled through others. I once did a fasting week on Sylt [a resort island on the North Sea near the German-Danish border]. I submitted a request to the railway in advance for assistance in getting out of the train – and then there was no one there when I arrived. And there was no one I could reach out to, either. How do you find a taxi when you’re blind? I have countless examples of these kinds of situations.

You still mainly work from home. Can you imagine returning to work in the office?

Yes, but not on a regular basis. Since I work with speech output, the computer is talking to me all day. I do this with headphones so that I don’t bother those around me. This makes it hard to join in the everyday office life. It would also be bad for my hearing to use headphones all day and so regularly.

At some point in the future, I will probably get an assistant for journeys and tasks that I cannot do on my own. I’m in contact with the Integration Office [author’s note: “integration” in this sense in Germany is about integrating individuals with social and physical disadvantages into normal institutions, such as schools or workplaces]. But I don’t know how things will go from here.

How can Hapag-Lloyd provide even better support to colleagues with visual impairments, such as with getting to work and on company premises?

Even when I could still see a bit, I always felt a certain tension when I walked through Hapag-Lloyd’s buildings. Markings on the stairways and appropriate signage are helpful and necessary. There are handrails on the staircases in Ballin Hall now, even though the process unfortunately took a long time. I think the company is capable of doing all this – at least that’s how I’ve come to know Hapag-Lloyd. But I very much regret that the processes for making things handicap-accessible have taken far too long! When it comes to inclusion and support for people with disabilities, we can and should do so much more. And I would be very happy to help with that myself.

How can your colleagues make things a bit easier for you?

That’s hard to answer (She takes a long moment to think). So far, I have enjoyed a lot of understanding and support – and I am really grateful for that! But one thing does come to mind. I enjoy events like the Christmas Party. But, even then, I’ve never been able to just walk around and say “hello” to everyone. Now that I can hardly see anything anymore, I just don’t know how to join in. I would also like to be there for our anniversary party and the football tournament. I would be happy if we could find a way to make that work. And I would be very open and grateful for any ideas or suggestions.